You Wanna See a Dead Body?

There aren’t many times in life where you’re offered a second chance to correct a previous mistake; be it the long-lost love that got away, or the audition you bombed that could’ve completely changed your life. But after embarrassing our ancestors by losing a boxing match to serial idiot Jake Paul back in August, Tyron Woodley begged, pleaded, and even got a tattoo in order to earn the right to avenge his humiliating defeat. Yet somehow, when the 39-year-old finally got his rematch on Saturday night—with an added incentive in the form of a $500,000 bonus if he knocked out his opponentthis happened in the sixth round:

“Look at what I just did,” Paul said after he finished reading Woodley a bedtime story. “Look at the year I just had. Unprecedented. One of the most valuable boxers in this sport. Four fights. Four massive pay-per-views in 13 months. I’ve knocked out every single person that I’ve fought.”

I mean, he ain’t lying. But imagine having “to wake up after some idiot YouTuber knocked me out” on your Christmas list. This ain’t what Jesus died for.

“When I came into this, I had a lot to prove,” Paul said. “People didn’t understand me. They didn’t understand my movement. They thought I was just making a mockery of the sport. And now people really see what I’m doing. They respect me, they respect my work, they respect the business side of it.”

To that end, while the 24-year-old has been laying more hands than an altar call, he’s also been killing it on the business side. Upon further review, you’ll notice that his own company, Most Valuable Promotions, has been promoting his fights and that he’s offering the type of lucrative paydays that fighters wouldn’t see otherwise. He’s also brought plenty of attention to a sport that has seen waning popularity in recent years, and while you can say what you want about who he chooses to fight—a common critique is that he cherry-picks opponents who have minimal boxing experience or are half his size—he’s still putting hands on accomplished athletes. When’s the last time you whooped former Bellator MMA and ONE welterweight champ Ben Askren in the ring? Or a five-time UFC champ in Woodley?

“At some point,” Woodley admitted. “You’ve got to start putting some respect on Jake’s name.”

I mean, shit. I ain’t ready to go that far yet since this is still the same dude who thinks snatching hats off a grown-ass man is a badge of honor, but he’s trending in the right direction until somebody finally detaches his jaw from his face and proves otherwise.

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